Right, just checking Carmine Fortini's blog SHITHAWKS and came across the above letter which was found in a bin, then scanned in and uploaded to his blog. It's funny as fuck, it seems to be a letter from prison to a women called Nat who also seems to be inside?? It's hard to read though as it's written in the native tongue of "smack head" north east. But I decided to try and decipher it in a manner which will benefit our southern/middle class readers. First up, click the letter and read it how it's written, see how you get on (adopting a geordie accent can help). Then read below, at my attempt to make it clear for public use.
Paul Leonard #PB6010 Wing #He5-1-4
Hello there Nat,
How are you, everything ok? I wasn't expecting to hear that your back in prison so soon! You silly sausage.
(blurred part of the letter, rendered unreadable)....
Good to know your out in a month, that's fantastic isn't it?
It's Saturday night tonight and some ruffian has his music on rather loud which isn't as bad as it sounds, in-fact I rather enjoy it, some may say I'm in a jolly euphoric state at the moment thanks to the great music and illegal narcotics I've recently administered.
I was meant to ask Nat, when you're released, would it be possible to grab your current address? I'd love to keep in-touch. We could possibly meet up for lunch or a coffee! When Her Majesty releases me from her shackles of doom I'd like to meet you. Because I'd like to have sexual intercourse with you and do it rather ruff, much like wild animals do in the rolling terrain of the Serengeti. You are aware of that aren't you? You ruddy are, aren't you.
Well my caged flower of deepest crimson, nothing has really been happening here since you left. Around 2 weeks or so ago, mother came to visit with my sister for the first time which was very pleasant. Mother said I couldn't really go back to the family nest because the police are too frequent with their visits. Also, she's struggling to cope with the sheer amount of heavy drug users who plague the house looking for me. I told mother that I'd be cutting back on the heavy narcotics, although I'll no doubt partake in a session or two with the methadone and xanax pills. You know the types, don't you?
I recently had a meeting with employee's from the prison in their offices here, they unfortunately made it quite clear to me that I'm not eligible for my tag at this time, due to the fact I'm in prison for fire arm offences. So it seems I'll be released this coming September. I hope your at the gates waiting for me, as I would still love to partake in the robust sexual intercourse with you as outlined earlier.
Hey Nat, have you ever taken Valium in the form of pink medicine? Because it's jolly effective infact I administered some last week and it really hit the spot.
I hear Nicola wasn't very pleased with you? Try avoid worrying about the situation, Nicola will soon be on the road to recovery. I'll soon be liaising with her via video link, which is pencilled in for the 2nd. In her last letter she mentioned walking away from a fight with another young lady, which is a surprise because Nicola would usually embark in a toe to toe fisticuff and generally come out the victor. It seems she's avoiding trouble at all costs at the moment.
Hey Nat, quick question do you have any spare photogrpaphs of yourself? Could you send me one in? I struggle masturbation wise and it would be fantastic if I had a hard copy as my imagination tends to drift when I picture you in there during those frantic 3 minutes. It'd be fantastic if we could have just 1 night together, I'd give you a real good rodgering. This must wait though. Ok, I'm going to press on for now.
Take medication and let the effects be positive.
Be well dear.
Love and respect
Paul